Vast Fields of Chaos
by kbecks41319
Summary: After seeing her dad for the first time since he abandoned her, Meredith gets drunk and goes home with someone. Four months later she finds out she's pregnant and moves to LA. This is what happens when she comes back to Seattle after a year.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I was reading Vast Fields of Ordinary the other day, so that's where the name comes from - it has no actual tie in with the story for me, but one could connect a few dots. Let me know if I should even bother continuing with this. I have at least three more chapters I can post soon.

I own nothing of the Grey's world. I wish I did, I really do. But I don't. Shame.

Enjoy~

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><p>"Breathe in, breathe out. It'll be okay. This is good, good. You're coming back home, back to your friends, back to your life." Meredith muttered this to herself, a small voice in the back of her head couldn't help but add, 'and back to the drama'. She groaned quietly as she watched the luggage rotate on the belt, her eyes immediately landing on hers. She grabbed it before it could pass and started for the large crowd of waiting people.<p>

"Meredith! Over here." Richard waved his hand from where he was standing in the airport, waiting for his surrogate daughter to arrive.

A huge smile broke over her face as she hurried over to him, the baby resting against her chest in the wrap.

"Richard," she pulled him in for a one armed hug, careful not to squish her sleeping daughter.

"It's so nice to see you. And to meet my granddaughter finally. How was LA?" He took her suitcase from her, putting his arm around her shoulders as they headed for the doors.

"LA was... LA." She shrugged and made a face at him, pushing her carry on back up her shoulder. "I missed home."

"Home missed you," he promised with a kiss to her head.

"Good because I missed home way more than I thought I would. But.." She gave him a soft smile and looked down at her still sleeping daughter. "It was good for me. For me to go through that and come out on the other side a winner. It was good."

"I always knew you'd make a fine mother, Meredith. I never doubted you for a second." He rubbed her arm as they arrived at his car, he motioned to the back seat. "I brought a car seat. I figured you could use it until your stuff gets sent over."

"Thanks," she mumbled quietly as she opened the back door and settled her daughter in the seat. "Addie said she'd send my stuff by the end of the week."

"I never saw that coming," he laughed but shook his head before throwing her suitcase in the trunk and going to the driver side.

"Trust me, neither did I. Especially when she found out about..." She motioned about after settling herself in the passenger seat, her carry on bag resting in her lap. "Ya know."

"She called me, yelling, wanting to know why in the hell I let you leave like that without someone with you." He shook his head again. "I promised her that I had people checking in on you and that I called almost every day."

"By the time she got there Lilly was already born and I had to tell her the whole horrid story.." She groaned, shaking her head. "But she was good about it. She helped me out, way more than she had to."

"Addison's truly a big softy and her weakness has always been babies."

"It would have been nice if someone," she gave him a pointed look before continuing, "had told me she was coming."

"I really didn't think you two would run into each other. I was still fending off questions from Derek and everyone else that turned against me when I wouldn't tell them where you were." He gave her a look before focusing on getting out of the parking lot.

"Sorry," she replied innocently. "I had to go.. Ya know?"

"I know, Meredith. That's why I had no problem getting your internship switched over and everything. And that's why I held a spot for you. Seattle is your home, we both know that. You just needed space."

"Does anyone know?" She asked quietly, her eyes focused on the window that now had raindrops splattering against it.

"Bailey," he nodded slightly. "She was really worried about you after the whole bomb fiasco, though she wouldn't put it into so many words."

"Oh god, Bailey knows.." She dropped her head into her hands, groaning not-so-quietly. "She thinks I'm the slutty intern who sleeps with all the Attendings, doesn't she?"

"Well, to be fair to you - he wasn't an attending when you slept with him." He offered her a quick smile.

"Thanks," she laughed dryly as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Really, Mer. She was just glad you were trying to make a go of everything, she's proud of you. I told her you were coming back."

Her eyes widened as she turned to look at the man she had learned to love over the past year. "Why?"

"To keep your friends busy so we could get into my office and set up your contract without being attacked," he supplied simply.

"Right." She nodded before groaning again and banging her head against her hands. "I should have took Addie's offer and stayed in LA."

"Oh, no no no. None of that. I will not let Addie have my most prized resident. No way." He chuckled and reached over to give her hand a squeeze. "Everything will be alright, okay? Adele and I will be here every step of the way, and so will Bailey - though, she'll give you crap about it the whole time. And once you tell your friends, they'll be here for you - after they get done being pissed at you for leaving, of course."

"Crap. I forgot about the being mad part. Richard, take me back to the airport. Take me back." Meredith's voice hitched, panic evident as she pleaded with him.

"Hey, hey. Breathe. It'll be okay. It will all be okay." He squeezed her hand once more before they pulled into the hospital parking lot. "If need be, you can hide out in my office. I won't mind."

"Thanks," she gave him a tight smile as she looked out at the hospital.

"Want me to get Lilly?" He asked quietly, knowing that this was all a little rough.

When he only received a nod, he gave the woman beside him a smile and climbed out of the car before going to the back. He opened the door and carefully extracted his grand daughter from her seat.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." He mumbled to her softly as he reached over and grabbed the wrap that he knew Meredith would want later. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Lilly Marie."

"She knows your voice," Meredith said as she stood beside him, surprising him slightly. "I recorded a bunch of phone calls. You, Cristina, Iz, George and even Alex. They didn't know they were for the baby but I had them all send me recordings of their selves. I told them it was to keep me from being home sick. Cristina, obviously, refused so I had to record phone calls for her, mostly." She shrugged. "She wanted me to come home and she figured home sick would make it happen."

"That was a good idea," he gave her a smile before turning serious. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," she muttered before letting out a long breath. "Let's get this over with."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it...

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><p>"Meredith Anne Grey, I know you're in there! Open this damn door or I'm going to bust it down."<p>

The voice coming through the door startled her as she jumped up quickly, disturbing her sleeping daughter who was laying on the couch next to her. She had been in the office for the past two hours, hiding from everyone and signing the appropriate papers. But now as the voice of her very angry best friend reached her ears, she realized she probably should have met with everyone first. When Lilly started to squirm more, she hurried over to the door and unlocked it before pulling it open.

"Shh, before you wake up Lilly."

"Who the hell is Lilly? And why are you hiding in the Chief's office?"

"Lilly is my daughter and I'm not hiding. I'm signing the papers to transfer back to Seattle Grace, is that a problem with you?"

"You have a daughter?" The excited voice of Izzie Stevens came through the door before she came flying in, her eyes immediately searching for the child mentioned. "Oh my god, Mer, she's beautiful! George! Alex, get in here! Come look."

The other two immediately obliged, Meredith simply smiling as she watched her friends hover over her child. She knew that they would all have questions and that she owed it to them to give them answers but she figured she should deal with Cristina first, alone. "Iz, do you mind taking Lilly for a few so I can talk to Cristina?"

"Really? You don't mind?"

"No. And if you have to get back to work, just find Richa- Chief and he'll watch her."

No more encouragement needed Izzie scooped the small girl up into her arms, cradling her gently to her chest as she started for the door.

"Great, now she's going to be gushy and smiley all the time. Way to go, Mer, popping out a ball of mush." Alex rolled his eyes before following Izzie and George, who was just as enthralled with the baby, out of the room.

Meredith frowned, her eyes following her friends out of the door before she propped her hand on her hip. "Did he just call my daughter a ball of mush?"

"She is a ball of mush. A pink, squirmy ball of mush." Cristina rolled her eyes before turning serious, advancing on the other woman. "Where did she come from? Where have you been?"

"Cristina," Meredith sighed as she made her way back over to the couch. "Do we really need to discuss how you make a baby?"

"Oh, come off of it! You know what I mean. Who is the father? Why are we just now learning about her? Why the hell did you leave Seattle?" The questions were fired one after another as the woman started pacing.

"I left Seattle because I was pregnant." That seemed the easiest to answer, she knew harder questions were coming.

"And you couldn't stay here, why?"

"Seattle Grace's gossip mill had enough ammo on me, my daughter was not becoming a part of it."

"Well, she is now." Cristina muttered as she slowed her pacing. "Who is the father?"

Meredith looked towards the open door, frowning slightly as she jumped up and crossed the room to close it. This was not something she needed circling the gossip mill, not immediately anyway. Clearing her throat, she kept her back to her friend as she stared at her feet. "Mark Sloan."

"What!" The word echoed in the room, washing over her like a violent storm. "You slept with McSteamy and didn't tell me? What the hell, Mer?"

"It was a one time thing, Cristina!" She turned now, staring at the other woman as she wrung her hands together. "He was there at the bar after I went to see my dad and I was upset an-and.. It's what I did! Slept with inappropriate guys while drunk off my ass."

"Does he know?"

"No," the answer was immediate, tinged with a bit of regret.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Maybe."

"You do know he's working here, right?"

The dirty blond nodded as she crossed back over to the couch, perching herself on the edge of it cautiously.

"Addie told me."

"Addie?" Cristina's eyes bulged in her head as she threw her hands up in the air. "You went off and made friends with Satan?"

"She's not Satan!" Meredith frowned, realizing how that sounded now. "She helped a lot after Lilly was born, even though she knew who the dad was."

"This definitely explains why he was looking for you when he came back," Cristina mumbled to herself as she leaned against the wall. "Alex thought he was just trying to piss Derek off."

"Richard called when he came back and started asking questions," Meredith admitted. "I wasn't ready to come back then. Lilly had just been born and I was on maternity leave, it was hell."

"I'm not a baby person. I don't do babies. They're sticky and needy and they stink.." She shook her head before her face turned serious, softening slightly. "But we would have helped. We all would have helped."

"I needed to do it for myself."

Cristina made a face before pushing off of the wall, heading over to the couch and plopping herself down beside her friend. Nudging her shoulder she grinned, "I get to be there when you tell Izzie about McDaddy."

"Oh god," Meredith buried her face in her hands as Cristina's pager started to go off.

"Got to go! We'll finish this later," she gave her a look that said she wouldn't be getting out of it before running out of the room.

"I should have stayed in LA," Mer mumbled to the empty room before throwing herself back on the couch. She just knew this was going to be a long, long week.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** If I owned this show, the couples would be so ridiculously different..

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><p>"She looks exhausted, I wonder when the last time she got a good night's rest."<p>

"Popping babies out will do that to you, Iz, don't get any ideas."

"Shut up, Evil Spawn."

Meredith groaned at the hushed voices, peeking out of her right eye to see the two standing in front of her. Lilly was wide awake and watching her, drool pooling in the corner of her mouth. Fighting the grin that wanted to come to her lips, she shot the two adults a look.

"You two suck at whispering."

"Mer," Izzie laughed as she crossed the room to sit on the couch. "You've been out for about an hour."

"What?" Checking her watch, she saw that it had in fact been a little over an hour. "Why didn't someone wake me up? I need to feed Lilly."

"Chief said let you sleep," Izzie supplied as she bounced the girl on her leg. "I gave her some of those cookies in your bag."

"I can tell I slept too long now, my boobs feel huge." She made a face as she reached over to tickle Lilly's side, earning herself a giggle and half-attempted hit.

"Now that you mention it, your boobs do look kinda bigger." Alex smirked as the two women shot him a look. "I'm a guy, we do notice these things."

"You're back for good right? Moving back into the house? Nobody moved into your room. Alex moved in to the attic after a very nasty incident with a flood at his old apartment, he still won't share all the details."

"There are no details," he interjected immediately. "There was a flood, end of story."

"You've told me he moved in, and I told you it was fine then. But Alex living in the attic is still fine," Meredith assured her two friends before smiling. "And yes, I am moving back in. I figured we could clean out my mom's old study and turn it into Lilly's room."

"Please tell me you're going to paint it, too. Don't make this adorable little thing sleep in that dull room." Izzie gave Meredith a look, plainly saying she had no other choice.

"A soft yellow," the dirty blond stated as she rubbed her neck. "I just can't do pink. Her room at Addie's is pink - everywhere. Pink walls, pink curtains, pink shelves with pink picture frames and a pink crib set."

"Wait, wait, wait." Izzie held her free hand out and shook her head. "Your daughter has a room at Satan's?"

"Addison isn't Satan, Iz." Meredith rolled her eyes as she pulled out her phone, checking her messages quickly. "She's the only reason I got a good night sleep sometimes."

"Do you have a room at Addison's?" Alex wiggled his eyebrows, a huge grin plastered on his face.

"I usually just slept in Addie's bed," she replied smoothly, not bothering to glance in his direction. "Speaking of Addie and all things related, she will be coming down for Lilly's first birthday and staying at the house with us."

"How weird is that gonna be," Izzie muttered.

"Not weird. Hot." Alex smirked, ignoring the look he got from Izzie as his pager went off. "Crap."

"Sloan, again?"

"Yeah, probably wants another freakin' coffee." He rolled his eyes as he pushed away from the wall and exited out the door to his left.

"Please tell me that you're going to let me know who the father is," Izzie frowned. "I have been trying to figure it out bu-"

"Cristina wants to be here when I tell you," Meredith cut her off as she offered a weak smile. "I was thinking we could meet at the house when you all get off work so I can explain everything to all of you. I don't start for another week, Richard wants me to get settled in and everything first."

"Sure, I should probably get back to my interns before they go off and kil-"

A phone ringing cut her off, Meredith jumping slightly before digging into her pocket and pulling out the offending object. Reading the ID, she quickly answered the phone.

"Addie! Hey. No, I got here and started filling out paperwork but Cristina barged in demanding answers. Yeah, she knows who it is. No, no one else. Well. Richard does, of course, and it turns out he told Bailey. I'm waiting until tonight to tell everyone else. Derek? No. I haven't seen him yet, not looking forward to that at all." She laughed suddenly, shaking her head. "Tell Naomi I'll send pictures every chance I get. No, I am not mailing my daughter back to LA. Oceanside Wellness will just have to load up and move to Seattle." Seeing the look on Izzie's face, she bit the inside of her cheek. "Hold on, Addie."

"I've got to go," Izzie apologized as she handed Lilly over to her mother. "I'll see you later."

"Bye, Iz." Meredith waved slightly as she watched her friend go before turning her attention back to the phone. "No, that was Izzie. She took Lilly for me to talk to Cristina and apparently I fell asleep on Richard's couch. Yeah, the flight itself wasn't so bad. I think the worst part was stepping off of it and back into Seattle. I know, I miss LA but it's nice to be home." Lilly started to whine now, causing her to shift her phone to the other ear as she bounced the girl gently on her knee. "She's hungry, I slept through her lunch time. Izzie already got on me about it, I decided on a yellow. No more pink. Yeah, you'll see it at her birthday and I'm sure you'll spoil her rotten. I know you, Addison. Okay, go save tiny humans. I'm about to head home. I'll talk to you tonight."

"Yeah, we love you too." A chuckle left her mouth as she stood up and placed Lilly on her hip, nodding at something the redhead said. "Bye."

After hanging up the phone and placing it in her pocket, she grabbed her bags and headed for the door. "That was your Auntie Addison, she misses you very much. Wanted me to mail you back to LA. For a baby doctor, she isn't that smart sometimes. Not when it involves you and your super baby powers." Not paying a bit of attention to anyone around her, Meredith kept her focus on the girl on her hip as she made her way to the stairs. "We have to find Grandpa Richard before we go but tomorrow you'll get to meet Dr. Bailey."

Lilly cooed before grabbing a piece of Meredith's hair, putting it straight in her mouth as the two reached the bottom of the stairs. The dirty blond scanned the area quickly, her eyes landing on Richard in the far corner talking to.. Derek.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." Lilly giggled loudly, pulling on the strand of hair she had as her baby blue eyes looked excitedly around the room.

"Go ahead and leave, I'll tell Chief." George's voice scared her, causing her to jump slightly and turn to look at him. A smile came to her face as recognition washed over her and she nodded.

"Thanks, George. I'll see you tonight?" When she received a nod in return, she turned again on the spot and headed quickly for the door. As much as she loved Seattle and being home, she did not want to deal with nobody else.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I'm updating this as often as I can. Please, don't get too upset if it takes a while. I own nothing.

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><p>"McDreamy knows your back," Cristina announced as the door opened and the gang started to flood in. "And so does he-who-must-not-be-named-yet. Apparently one of the nurses have a very large mouth."<p>

"As if we didn't already know that," Izzie snorted as she immediately went to the playpen in the corner, picking up the giggling baby. "Where did the pack-n-go come from?"

"Apparently Addie knew I'd need one," Meredith laughed. "She shipped it overnight without me knowing."

"That's still weird," Cristina muttered as she popped open a beer that George had just handed to her.

"No. Not weird. Hot." Alex smirked as he grabbed his own beer, popping it open and sitting down on the couch beside Izzie - who was too busy cooing at Lilly to notice anything else.

"It's kinda hot," George agreed as he threw himself into an armchair that was placed in the corner.

"You two living in the same house has obviously effected George," Meredith mumbled as she leaned against the armchair, patting the top of her friend's head.

"You have no idea, Mer. He's just as bad as Alex sometimes now." Izzie shook her head in mock disgust as she cradled the baby to her chest, rocking her gently back and forth. "Now are we going to talk about how hot it is that you sleep with Addie or can we please get to the fact that you have a freakin' daughter?"

The four others laughed as the blond stared Meredith down, something that did little to intimidate her as Lilly gurgled quietly in her arms. Figuring that they should go ahead and get this over with, the dirty blond sighed and scooted back onto the arm of the chair, crossing her legs.

"Her name is Lillian Marie, though she usually goes by Lilly, and she's seven months old. I left Seattle when I found out I was pregnant with her; I was four months into the pregnancy and didn't want to terminate it. Although I knew who the father was-"

"Which is who?" Izzie and George interrupted at the same time, the latter nudging Meredith's leg.

"I'm getting to that," she waved them off impatiently. "Although I knew who he was, I didn't think he'd want anything to do with her so I talked to Richard and I decided it would be best for me to leave. I headed down to LA where he got my internship switched over to St. Ambrose Hospital. I didn't tell any of you because I needed to do it by myself. I needed to prove that I could do it and that I wasn't my mother, that my daughter wouldn't be a rag doll that I pushed away."

There was a knock at the door, making her pause in her story as her eyes swept the room in confusion. Who in the hell? Panic set in as various ideas went through her mind, causing her to shake her head and jump up from her spot.

"I'm not here," she muttered quietly as she started edging towards the kitchen door. "I'm not back."

Cristina, who was at the end of the couch and closest to the door, pulled herself up from her spot and stepped around the walk-in space. It was quiet for a minute before they could all hear the door opening, her voice loud as she blocked the person from coming in.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I heard Meredith was back and I wanted to talk to her."

They all knew that voice. They worked with the person it belonged to everyday. They had all long ago learned to hide when they heard it coming, in fear that they would be questioned as to Meredith's whereabouts and if she was coming home soon.

The voice alone made Meredith's stomach churn.

"She's not here. She's still off wherever it is that you made her run off to!" The door slammed then, probably in the man's face, before they heard the distinct click of the lock and Cristina's footsteps as she came back into the living room.

"Is he the father?" Alex wondered out loud.

"No way," George answered before anyone else could. "She'd have the hair."

"He's not the father," Meredith confirmed as she took her seat back on the arm of the chair.

"Then who the hell is it?" Izzie hissed, careful not to disturb the sleeping child in her arms.

Once again Meredith was interrupted, this time by Alex who was snapping his fingers as he sat forward with a determined look on his face. "I got it!"

Everyone turned to face him now, eyebrows quirked as they silently asked him who he thought it was. Meredith was curious if he could figure it out without her having to say.

"Sloan," he said seriously, his eyes focused on his dirty blond friend to see her reaction.

"No way!" Izzie replied immediately, not noticing the blank expression on Meredith's face. She shook her head, glancing now to the woman across the woman who was sitting there with her hands twisting in her lap. "Sloan, Meredith? Really?"

"Seriously," Meredith sighed. "You're holding Mark Sloan's daughter."

"Holy friggin' crap. Holy crap." Izzie stood up now, going back over to the playpen and easing the sleeping child into it. After covering her up and making sure she stayed asleep, she crossed the room over to the pack of beers and grabbed one. "Does he know?"

"No," Meredith replied quickly. "I wouldn't have told him and not have told you guys."

"I knew he wasn't just trying to piss Derek off," George muttered to no one in particular. "That man was looking for you way too hard just to be trying to piss someone off."

"They did get into that one good fight though, when Derek walked up behind Sloan while he was asking Iz about Meredith for the millionth time." Alex smirked as he obviously replayed the scene in his mind, shaking his head to something the others couldn't see.

"I thought Derek was going to hit me at first," Izzie remembered as she popped open the beer. "Sloan tried to walk away but Derek just wouldn't let it go. Addison had to pull them apart."

"Chief was pissed," George included. "Threatened Derek with a suspension if he didn't get his act together. No one knows what he told Sloan, but he held him back after he had dismissed Derek."

"That must have been when Richard warned him off about me," Meredith mused out loud.

They were all quiet for a minute, simply listening to the sounds of the room and absorbing all the new information they had just been given. Meredith was glad to be home, back around her friends. It wasn't long, though, before Izzie was popping in with another question.

"So, when are you going to tell him?"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Sorry for taking so long to update, I don't have internet at the house and I've been a bit too busy to get to the library.. Hope you all enjoy this and the next chapter I'm about to post :) I don't own anything, as always.

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><p>They had all stayed up well past three in the morning, only going to bed when Lilly woke up wanting to be fed. None of them volunteered to stick around for that, something Meredith found highly amusing - weren't they all supposed to be professional surgeons? Even though they had all talked on the phone at one point or another during the time that she was gone, it seemed there was still a lot to catch up on. They had all agreed to have lunch if their schedules allowed for it.<p>

Lilly woke her up again at eight, giggling in her crib as she played with the stuffed giraffe that they had brought from Addison's in hopes of making the move easier.

"Morning baby girl," Meredith grinned as she rolled out of bed, immediately jumping to one foot as the cold floor reached her senses. "That is one thing I did not miss."

She stumbled her way over to the suitcase she had brought with her, rummaging through it before pulling out a pair of thick socks. Hopping to the chair in the corner, she sat down and quickly pulled them on to her feet before she headed over to the pack n' play Lilly was in.

"I see you're managed to almost bite Archer's eye off again," she commented with humor as she pulled the stuffed toy away. "Aunt Addie will be delighted to hear this, but probably wish you'd take to biting the real Archer."

With a quickness that had took her weeks to find, she handed over a rattle toy from the dresser as she picked the giggling baby up. Placing her in the crook of her arm as if she was a newborn once again, she headed over to the diaper bag and grabbed what she needed. The bed was her next stop, where she placed her daughter down and went about their morning ritual of getting ready for the day.

It took her a little longer than normal, with her not being used to her surroundings, but they made it out of the house and to the hospital within an hour. Lilly was tucked securely against her chest in the wrap, playing with the necklace that hung around Meredith's neck.

"Hide," was her warning from Cristina as soon as she walked out of the elevator on the floor to the Chief's office.

"Huh?" Her brain was slow to process it, her eyes going wide as she caught the meaning and quickly turned for the stairs. She wasn't sure which one she was hiding from but she knew it for the best to stay hidden for now; at least until she was able to answer all questions and not hold anything back.

Lilly giggled loudly as she stepped onto the lower landing, snagging her attention as she went to open the door. "Don't eat that, Lilly-Bean."

"Meredith?"

Her eyes snapped up, going wide once again as she looked into the face of Mark Sloan; father of her child. She swallowed, trying to remove the lump in her throat as she took a step back and placed her hand on Lilly's back. Apparently, Cristina had been hiding her from Derek.

"M-Mark," she butchered his name as she tried to remember what she had planned on saying to him when she saw him. Addie had helped her, as much as she could, but there was only so much the redhead could do.

"So the rumors are true," he smirked. "You came back with a surprise."

"You knew I was back?"

"I went looking for the Chief yesterday and found you asleep in his office," he stepped closer and closed the door behind him. "I figured when or if you wanted to talk to me, you'd find me."

"Right," she mumbled before blinking and trying to clear her head. Lilly helped her, pulling tight on the necklace with a delighted shriek. "Well, um.. We should talk, of course, but.. Not here. Not now." She shook her head as she started to side step around him.

"Not going to introduce us?" He nodded to the baby in her arms, his eyes alight with humor at the situation and how obviously uncomfortable she was.

"Introduc.. Oh. Right. Mark, this is my daughter Lilly. Lilly, this is Mark. He is one of mommy's bosses starting next week." She picked up Lilly's arm and held it out, watching as Mark reached over and shook her hand with a grin on his face.

"Nice to meet you Lilly," he chuckled as the girl shrieked with laughter again.

"I'm going to kill Pete for teaching her to do that," she muttered with a shake of her head before looking up at Mark again. "But that must mean she likes you."

"The feeling is mutual," he said as he tickled the girl's side before stepping back. "Pete the father?"

"Huh?" She blinked before shaking her head again, this time with more vigor. "Oh no. No, no, no. Pete is the annoying uncle who Addison reminds me repeatedly that I can't kill because it's illegal and I can't leave Lilly without a mother."

"I don't think you'd do well in prison," he mused before he frowned and straightened. "You mean Addison as in Addison Montgomery?"

"The one and only," she laughed. "That's where I've been, in LA."

"I knew that's what she said!" He snapped his fingers as he shook his head. "She swore up and down that I had heard wrong, though, so I believed her."

"We were both surprised when I didn't start getting calls from Seattle," she remembered. "It was the first slip up either of us made the whole time I was gone."

"You and Addison," he hummed as a wicked grin bloomed on his face. "I think I'd pay to see that."

"Okay, Lilly, tell the dirty old man goodbye now." She rolled her eyes as she turned, opening the door only to be stopped by his larger hand on hers. Turning to look at him, she found all traces of joking gone.

"It's nice to see you again, Meredith," he said softly. "I'm glad you're back."

"It's good to be back." She couldn't help the smile, couldn't help the jumble of feelings that were starting low in her stomach. "It's nice to see you again, too."

Before he could say another word, or her mouth could turn traitor and open, she bolted out of the door and headed down the hallway. She'd just hide out in the pediatric ward until the coast was clear.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** All mistakes are my own. I don't own anything.

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><p>They had only hid out in the pediatric ward for half an hour before Meredith had relocated them to the observation of one of Bailey's surgeries. It was a simple appendix surgery, something she knew the doctor could probably do with her eyes closed. Everyone had been staring and whispering, something she chose to ignore for the time being.<p>

When the surgery was over, she hurried to stand outside of the OR doors to wait for her former teacher. Lilly was still awake, gurgling quietly to herself as she played with the rattle that had been pulled back out from the diaper bag. Meredith didn't fight the smile as she saw the familiar face, ignoring the shaking of Bailey's head.

"I'm disappointed in you, Grey," she said without preamble, light humor behind her words. "You let Seattle Grace suck you back in."

"Born and raised here, never had a chance."

"Poor thing," Bailey said with a cluck of her tongue as she grinned at the baby, taking the outstretched hand that was reaching for her. "She's beautiful. What's her name?"

"Lilly Marie. Thank you," she murmured softly. "How's Tucker?"

"He's doing well," was the quick reply as they started walking towards the nurse's station. "Chief told me you were coming back yesterday. Did you get the paperwork settled?"

"Mostly," she nodded. "I have to go finish a few that Cristina distracted me from but I'm all set to start work in a week."

"That's good." The shorter doctor nodded as she grabbed another chart and headed for the OR board. "Have you talked to Sloan?"

"I saw him in the stairwell, actually.." She paused, remembering that she knew who Lilly's father was before biting her lip. "Oh, no. Not about that."

"You should, before he finds out from someone else." Bailey gave her a look before turning her attention to Lilly, smiling as she squeezed the small girl's hand. "Nice to meet you, Lilly."

Meredith watched as she walked away, leaving her there with her thoughts and a giggling baby. She knew that she needed to talk to Mark, needed to tell him the truth.. But how did she do that when she had been hiding it for over a year? She sighed as she ran her fingers over the top of her hair before turning and heading for the elevator.

"We need to go to Grandpa Richard's office and lay down, Lilly-Bean. Mommy has a headache." She kissed the giggling baby's head as they stepped inside the elevator, ignoring the stares and whispers. She didn't feel like dealing with them right now.

Before the doors could close, a flash of redhead entered the room and Meredith recognized Olivia; the nurse George had been seeing and Alex had slept with.

"Meredith," she grinned as her eyes flashed to Lilly. "Rumor had it that you were back."

"Hey, Olivia," she smiled before shaking her head. "Rumor has a lot of things."

"Isn't that the truth," the redhead laughed as she turned to face the two. "The juiciest thing lately, though, is who was caught with who in the on-call rooms. Nothing much more of that since Dr. Montgomery left and Burke canceled the wedding. Well.. At least, that was until you showed up yesterday."

"They have a bet on who the father is, don't they?" Meredith could see it in the woman's face, the way she her eyes tightened and her smile was slightly forced.

"It's between Shepherd, Sloan and Karev."

"Alex?" She couldn't help but slightly shriek his name as the elevator opened and they both stepped out. "This hospital thinks I'm a whore."

"The real bet is between Shepherd and Sloan. Alex threw his name in there when he heard about the bet this morning. He was kinda mad." Olivia shrugged half-heartedly as they continued walking.

"I'm surprised he didn't punch someone," Meredith mused as she bounced Lilly.

"She's adorable," the redhead grinned as she motioned to the baby.

"Thanks," was the short reply that came as she stopped in front of the Chief's office.

"No problem," Olivia said as she started to walk away. "See you around."

She couldn't help herself, couldn't stop her mouth from opening as her hand held the doorknob to her safe place. "Olivia?" She waited for her to turn around before looking around and then back to her. "Put your money on Sloan, if it wasn't already."

Olivia's eyes widened for a moment before she simply nodded, the smile still on her lips as she glanced at the baby again. Meredith didn't say another word, simply opening the door and slipping inside. She flashed Patricia a smile before heading into the main office, looking around to find Richard gone. He would be back sooner or later, but in the meantime she was going to lay down and try to get the headache that was barging in to go away.

"Grandpa Richard has this habit of going MIA a lot in this big hospital," she informed the infant as they sat down on the couch. She deposited the diaper bag down on the floor, digging out a pink blanket that had Lilly's name in cursive on the corner.

"I'm afraid one day he might just up and stay disappeared," she whispered as if this was top secret information, earning herself a giggle from the sleepy baby. "And if that happens, we're stealing his candy stash from the bottom drawer."

She looked up to the door, feeling his presence as he stood there smiling at the two. Her own smile was on her lips as she pulled Lilly out of the wrap and sat it aside, covering her with the blanket as she snuggled into the crook of her arm.

"I heard you talked to Sloan," he said as he walked over to the couch to sit beside them.

"I didn't tell him yet," she said quickly. "I couldn't do it here."

"You need to tell him soon, Meredith." He reached over to brush his fingers over Lilly's hair. "The longer you wait, the harder it will get."

"I know, Richard," she sighed. "I do. It's just.. What if he doesn't want anything to do with her?"

"This gorgeous little thing? Not want something to do with her?" He shook his head, offering a comforting smile before becoming serious. "If that's the case, I'll have him transferred to Maine and we'll call it a good trade."

"Sounds fair," she chuckled as she leaned down to kiss Lilly's forehead. "It was easier hiding in LA. Nothing to worry about except the possibility of Addie kidnapping her."

"Things will get better, Meredith. You'll see. Just tell him and let that weight off of your shoulders." He gave her hand a squeeze, leaning over to kiss her temple.

She nodded as she stared down at her daughter, her emotions and thoughts scattering all over the place as she tried to figure out what she was going to do and when. After a few quiet moments, she glanced up at Richard.

"When does he get off?"

"I do believe he's off at five," he said after a moment of thinking.

"I'll do it tonight," she said confidently.

It was either now or never, and she didn't plan on it being the latter. She needed to get this weight off of her, to let him know that he had a daughter. He had the right to know, the right to decide if he wanted to be in her life. He had already missed the first seven months, it wasn't fair to keep anymore from him.


	7. Chapter 7

She had waited until Lilly was asleep to finish the paper work that needed to be done. It had took her a little over half an hour and by that time, she needed to head for the cafeteria to find her friends and grab a bite to eat before she starved. After stuffing the wrap into the diaper bag, she'd cradled the baby to her chest and headed out of the office.

The trip down to the cafeteria was uneventful, aside from the staring and whispers that followed her into the elevator and down the halls. A few people stopped to tell her how adorable Lilly was but most left her to herself, for that she was grateful. She'd have to deal with them all sometime or another but not today.

"How'd the conversation with Sloan go?"

Meredith jumped, she couldn't help it, as Alex popped out of nowhere. He was standing beside her in line, tray in hand. Lilly, thankfully, was still asleep as she grabbed a few things to eat.

"It didn't really go anywhere. I didn't tell him." She shrugged as she paid the lady at the end of the line, waiting for Alex as they headed for a table in the courtyard.

"I figured, he seemed way too at ease during surgery." He lead the way to the table, setting his tray down and pulling her chair out before sitting himself down. "Do you plan on telling him soon?"

"Thanks," she muttered as she carefully sat down after placing the diaper bag on the ground. "I think I'm going to do it tonight. I need to find him and tell him to come over after his shift."

"And we're all crossing our fingers in hopes for a good outcome, right?" He smirked as he caught sight of George and Izzie heading their way. "Looks like Yang is stuck in surgery."

"Good outcome, please sir." She didn't like how amused he was by this but kept her mouth shut as she sucked on a grape. "That just means I won't be hearing McDaddy this and McDaddy that."

"What about McDaddy?" Izzie's eyebrow shot up as she took the seat across from Meredith, leaving George to sit beside her.

"Mission tell McDaddy is happening tonight," Alex informed them before Meredith could.

"Blabber mouth," she said as she kicked him under the table before focusing on her other friends. "But yeah, I'm going to tell him tonight and get it over with."

"That means I'm heading to Joe's after my shift," George nodded as he stuffed a roll into his mouth. "Cause that is just one conversation I do not want to hear first hand. I'll take the rumor mill version."

She debated on hitting him underneath the table too but decided against it as she peeled her orange carefully, determined to let the infant sleep as long as she would. It was going to be a long afternoon and probably an even longer night. She wasn't ready for it, not nearly enough.

"I was going to make some muffins after I got off but I guess it can wait," Iz shrugged. "I'll keep George company at Joe's."

"I'm working a double," Alex muttered around a mouthful of pudding.

"That leaves Cristina," Meredith mumbled to herself, though the rest of the group grinned. "I'll just ask Chief to give her an extra shift or something, I won't be able to talk to Mark with her there."

"I'll invite her to Joe's for drinks on me," Izzie offered. "That will keep her off your back for a few hours at least."

"Crap," Alex muttered suddenly as his eyes focused on something near the doors. "Mer, I can make him leave or you can talk to him. Pick your poison?"

"I want to be invisible," she hissed through her teeth as she caught sight of Derek walking towards them. She felt herself sink in her seat, her arm wrapping protectively around Lilly.

"That was not an option," Izzie muttered back as they all sort of formed a protective half circle around her. "Have Alex kick his ass or talk to him?"

"I'll be thrilled to go with option A."

"And get suspended?" Meredith rolled her eyes as she shook her head, shooting the option down - which left her with option B: talk to him. She felt her insides churn as he approached the table and send her friends a look that could possibly kill.

"It's true you're back," he said as he crossed his arms. "And with a baby."

"Rumors usually start with the truth," she managed to get out between her teeth. She wanted to scream or run or kick or something but knew it would be no use. He'd follow. He had fire in his eyes and she wondered exactly what bothered him; that she hadn't came crawling back to him or that she was plus one these days.

"And here I thought you weren't ready for kids," his tone was normal but she could hear the bite behind every word.

"Or maybe she just didn't want yours," Alex suggested from her side with a smirk on his face.

"I don't believe I was talking to you, Karev," Derek glared at him before refocusing his attention on Meredith. "Can we talk? Alone?"

Lilly chose that moment to start whining, wiggling in the cocoon of blanket as she stretched her little arms and yawned. Her eyes blinked open a moment later and she smiled up at her mom, tugging on the necklace her fingers had immediately went for.

"Right now isn't such a great time for me," Meredith told him calmly as she glanced up from her baby. "She'll be wanting fed soon and that's more important."

"We should really talk," Derek stressed as he stepped towards her, only to be blocked by George and Izzie. "Without so many people around."

"I have nothing to talk to you about," she bit out as she stood up, grabbing the diaper bag as she started to walk around him. She paused, a vindictive smile on her face as she turned to him. "Oh, and Addie says hi."

She could hear George muttering 'ouch' behind her as Izzie snorted into her drink and Alex full out laughed. Without waiting to see if Derek was going to try to continue the conversation, or retaliate, she headed out of the doors and for the OR board. She needed to find Mark and ask him to come over after his shift and then she could go home.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Okay.. I'm going to need some serious feedback or I'll be forced to discontinue this story. Sorry to all those that are following, but I need more than a "please update soon". Tell me what you like or don't like. What you think I should do or have someone say. A little criticism won't hurt me.

I own nothing.

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><p>She had chickened out and hid in the nursery while trying to gather her nerves, showing Lilly all the different babies and talking to some of the nurses. After she had wasted a good two hours, she finally gave in to the fact that she wasn't going to ask him herself and asked Olivia to tell Sloan to meet her at the house later. After she got confirmation from the redheaded nurse that he'd be there, she'd hauled tail out of Seattle Grace and headed for home.<p>

Which had left her with an hour and a half to kill before she had to have the what would probably be the most awkward and difficult conversation of her life.

She found herself rearranging things in her mother's study and repacking them in boxes that she had once started to unpack, singing old songs to Lilly as she did so. She would eventually go through them but for now they would be placed in the attic and more than likely ignored, except for the occasional kick from Alex as he stumbled around in the dark.

Six o'clock, the time she had asked Mark to drop by, snuck up on her sooner than she would have liked. When the doorbell rang, she jumped and dropped the stack of papers she had just spent the last ten minutes picking up.

"Shit," she hissed under her breath as she plucked Lilly out of the car seat she had been playing in. "When mommy finishes cleaning out Grandma Ellis' stuff we'll be able to put a baby gate up and you can crawl around your new room."

Lilly clapped her hands as they hurried down the stairs, huffing out a deep breath as she unlocked and opened the door. Realizing who exactly it was and what she was about to have to do, she stumbled back slightly and offered a strained smile.

"Forget I was coming?" Mark smirked as he stood just outside the door, looking between Meredith's blank look and Lilly's toothy grin.

"No, no," she shook her head as she hitched Lilly higher up onto her hip. "I got a bit carried away cleaning out mom's study."

"New baby room?" He raised his eyebrow as the baby girl reached over for him, shrieking with delight.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded as she stepped back, waving for him to come in as she tried to keep a wiggling Lilly in her arms. "Come in."

She watched as he entered her house, making a sweep with his eyes as he stood waiting for her to direct them where they were going. Shutting the door with her free hand, she headed for the living room where she turned to look at him.

"Do you want a drink or something? I'm not sure what Izzie has in there but I'm sure there's something." She really needed to head to the grocery store for herself.

He shook his head as he looked around the room more carefully, moving to sit at the end of the couch when Meredith sat in the armchair in the corner. "I'm going to assume you didn't ask me here to have a drink."

"No," Meredith laughed, her nerves shaking her voice. "W-we need to talk about what happened when we, uh, saw each other last time."

"You mean when you seduced me and took advantage?"

She shot him a disapproving look, rubbing Lilly's back as she started to whine quietly. She knew the baby was picking up on how nervous she was.

"I did not seduce you," she muttered quickly. "We were both drunk and I was upset."

"So it never should have happened?" He guessed where the conversation was headed, an easy smile on his lips as he studied her.

_Just get it over with, _she told herself. He needed to know, he had the right to know. If she waited and he found out through the Seattle Grace rumor mill, she would never be able to forgive herself - he would probably never forgive her either. Licking her lips she glanced down at the Lilly, who was sucking on her thumb, before taking in a deep breath and looking back up at the man sitting in front of her.

"You're Lilly's father," she said in rush.

He froze, staring at her as if she had just announced that she had given birth to an alien that planned on destroying the world. Silence engulfed them, only interrupted by the soft whine of Lilly as she rubbed her face against her mother's shirt. It was moments later that he finally blinked, turning his attention to the child in Meredith's arms.

"She's mine?" His voice was neutral, leaving her to guess on his feelings.

"She's seven months," she answered instead. "Although she only really answers to Lilly, her full name is Lillian Marie Grey. She's fascinated with this toy giraffe named Archer that Addie gave her and she loves the color pink. She shrieks when she likes something and hates wearing clothes. She has six teeth and she's just recently started crawling, though she's fast as hell. Her favorite baby food is pears but I don't let her have it a lot cause it upsets her stomach. Uh, she fell off of the couch at Oceanside when she was four months and everyone carried her around for the next month and a half until I got tired of having to hold her all the time at home so I put a stop to it. S-she loves bath time and she's pretty easy to get to sleep at night.."

"Meredith," he held up his hand as he shook his head. "You're rambling."

She bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from talking, looking down at Lilly as she pulled on the necklace. Nerves were eating at her and she wished that he would say something, would yell at her or storm out or something to let her know what he was thinking. Instead he sat there for a few more minutes quietly, staring at them as if she hadn't just dropped this new piece of information in his lap.

"This is why the Chief gave me tomorrow off," he accused and when she merely nodded he did as well. "Who else knows?"

"Addie, obviously. The gang at Oceanside. Bailey. Izzie, George, Cristina and Alex." She rubbed her neck, looking away from him as she realized just how many people knew now. "Oh, and Olivia but that was because she told me about that stupid bet and it just kinda made me mad."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She shook her head, fighting the urge to get up and pace, playing with the little curls at the ends of Lilly's hair. "I was already four months pregnant when I found out and I was scared that you wouldn't want anything to do with the baby. I convinced myself that it'd be best to leave Seattle and have Lilly somewhere else where I could be different. By the time I had her, I had honestly convinced myself that a kid was the last thing you would want. I stayed in LA but knew eventually that I'd have to tell you." She paused, licking her lips and arranging her thoughts. "She turns one in three months and I didn't want you to miss that. I wanted to give you a chance to decide to be apart of it, at least."

"You should've told me," he said after a moment.

"I know," she murmured to herself as she continued to play with Lilly's hair. "After she was born, I couldn't think of a proper way or time to tell you and eventually it was just a regret in the back of my mind until I started my residency and needed to come back to Seattle."

"I can be in her life?" He was studying Lilly now, apparently ignoring Meredith and their situation completely.

"Of course," Meredith nodded quickly. "Once she's used to you, we could set it up so she could go stay with you sometimes.. If you want."

"Can I hold her?" He asked cautiously after another moment, glancing up at the blond.

"Sure," she agreed as she stood up and walked over to him, placing Lilly in his arms. Satisfied when the child simply latched onto his jacket and became comfortable, she stepped back and started wringing her hands. "You can come see her whenever you want. I'm putting her in the hospital daycare so you can see her there, too.. I'm not going to keep her from you now that you know."

"We'll talk about it later, Meredith," he told her with a mere glance in her direction before returning his attention back to the baby in his lap. "Hey baby girl."

Meredith stepped back, rocking on the heels of her feet as a sigh escaped her lips and she nodded. Later. She could deal with that. Her nerves may shred apart her insides and stage a revolt but she figured it was the least she could do for him. Watching him talk to Lilly and get familiar with her, she bit her lip and leaned against the wall. She should have told him sooner, should have let him into their life a long time ago.

As Lilly's laughter filled the living room, she simply smiled and hoped for the best. Maybe they could fix this. Maybe, for the sake of their daughter, they could move past it and find some happy medium. She would do anything to make Lilly's life everything that hers wasn't.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** You've all been really patient with waiting for updates.. here's a whomper of a chapter as my thanks! As always, I do not own and I hope you enjoy. Reviews are always welcomed!

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><p>"You should have told me," Mark repeated his earlier words as she came back downstairs from laying Lilly down for bed.<p>

He had spent the last few hours getting familiar with the infant and letting her do the same, occasionally asking questions about things that he should have known from day one. Meredith spared no detail, going into lengthy ramblings occasionally to let him know something or another. It wasn't until Lilly had started whining and looking for Meredith that the tension crept back into the room.

She bit her lip, tightening her grip on the baby monitor in her hand as she crossed the room to take her seat back in the armchair. "I have abandonment issues. And my mother sucked so bad at being one to me that I had convinced myself that I never wanted kids, that I would suck at it too and ruin some innocent child's life."

Afraid she might actually break the device, she placed the baby monitor down on the coffee table before scratching the side of her neck. "But then I'm throwing up at the smell of the hospital's antiseptic wipes and I'm eating like there's no tomorrow so I pee on a stick and suddenly I don't know what the hell I'm going to do or if I'm going to do it at all."

She stood up, pacing the small space of floor as she rubbed at her stomach; lost in some far away memory. "I was four months pregnant and hadn't started to show yet. The doctor assured me that she was just small and nothing was wrong. I didn't know if I was relieved at that or not."

He was following her every move, studying her as if he could find the answers to all the questions in his head just by watching her. She wasn't sure she liked it, the way he made her feel or the way her insides were dancing. She just wanted to get this talk over with. "You were back in New York and I knew your reputation and had heard stories and I figured the last thing you wanted was something to tie you down. It took me a week to figure out I wouldn't be able to get rid of her, another to get everything arranged with Chief and get the hell out of Seattle."

"I would have hel-"

She held her hand up to cut him off before shaking her head and continuing to pace the floor, her hands twisting in front of her. "I transferred to St. Ambrose and worked there in Peds. Between freaking out at being in a new environment and the thought of having a child on the way, I had to deal with several colorful calls from my people back home."

Meredith sighed before running a hand through her hair as she stopped pacing and simply looked at him, the exhaustion radiating off of her. "I adjusted, though. If life with Ellis Grey as my mother taught me anything, it was to learn to adjust easily. I made friends and I worked my way up to someone who was well-liked. It wasn't long before they had to stick me on maternity leave, though. She was two weeks late and labor dragged on for almost 18 hours."

Mark chuckled, shaking his head a bit as his eyes gleamed with something close to sympathy for the woman standing in front of him. "Stubborn little girl."

"You have no idea," Meredith groaned as she rubbed the crease between her eyes. "Aimee, one of the girls who worked Peds with me, kept telling me that she was trying to waiting it out until I told you. To be honest with you, I wouldn't put it past the little rotten thing."

She paused to lick her lips, glancing down at her feet before looking back up and studying him. "Suddenly there was this little person who depended on me, who needed me day and night. I didn't know what I was doing. I was hoping that by working Peds I would learn some stuff but it all flew out the window the minute the nurses placed her in my arms. All the careful name planning and everything else went out right along with it. I was dark and twisty Meredith again, the lusty intern who didn't know a damn thing about being a mother."

"What happened?" He asked this cautiously, aware that she was miles away in some hospital room in LA.

"They tried to take her from me, offered to give me a minute to pull myself together. Most of them knew my story, knew the things going through my mind weren't on the so-great side." She rolled her shoulders, moving to sit on the edge of the coffee table as she heard Lilly breathe heavily over the baby monitor. "She was only 6lbs and 8oz, 16 in. and had a very healthy set of lungs. Aimee recorded it all," she made a face and sighed. "I'm sure she made copies but I'm still pretending to believe that she didn't. I kept one for you, if you want it."

"18 hours of you trying to get a small person to come out of your body? Count me in," his humor colored his voice as he cracked a smile at her before he returned to his serious face. "She was healthy, no complications?"

"Besides her not wanting to come? She was a perfectly healthy baby girl with blue-green eyes and a head full of blond hair." Meredith paused, finding focus on her feet as she picked at her fingernails and tried her best to calm her rapidly beating heart. "I wanted to call you, to find you and tell you. I looked you up in New York but when I finally got the nerve to call, they told me that you had sold your practice. Cristina called me the next day with the very interesting news that McSteamy was back and looking for me."

"I got punched more than a few times because I asked where you were," Mark offered as he subconsciously rubbed his hand over his face. "Addison ended up leaving Derek because of the last time he started something with me."

"Addie told me some of it," she nodded before biting her lower lip. "With my hormones all out of whack, I couldn't handle it all though. She even called you a few times, for me, and I planned on telling you but I'd choke up and she'd be left to talk to you."

She rubbed her hands together, forcing herself to look up at him again as she took in a deep breath. "I wanted to call you, so bad. When she first smiled, when she learned to roll over, to sit up, her first tooth, her first time crawling. I wanted to call you when she'd simply stare at me and it was like she was blaming me for you not being there. I wanted you there so that when she woke up at three in the morning and I couldn't get her to sleep, you could try and probably get her to sleep faster than I ever had. I wanted you to be there to share it all with me. But it was there, that niggling doubt, in the back of mind telling me you didn't want her. Didn't want to be a part of her life. That I was just a night of fun. I couldn't put her through you coming in and out of her life."

"Hurricane Mark," he muttered. "I leave a wake of destruction in my path wherever I go. Addison told me that one of the times she called."

"That must have been when I worked myself into a panic attack at Addie's. Pete was over at Sam's and he took Lilly for me while Violet made me go for a walk with her."

"I could hear people in the background but Addie covered the earpiece and started talking in hushed voices to whoever else was there, though I could hear a baby in the background."

"I want you to be in her life," she told him seriously after a quiet moment. "I want her to be able to grow up and say she has the most amazing dad. I want you to be here for the rest of her life.. But if you do this, if you jump in - you can't get back out. I won't let you hurt her."

Mark nodded, as if he already expected this warning to come long before it had actually came. He doesn't wait, though, reaching over to still Meredith's rapidly fidgeting hands. "I'm in. I'm not running. I want to be a part of our daughter's life."

Her body deflated, a sigh leaving her lips as she visibly relaxed and allowed his hands to calm hers. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking in a few slow breaths before looking back at him, nodding as well. "I'm glad."

"Don't think I'd make it out of Seattle alive if I said otherwise, anyways," he muttered to himself as she chuckled.


	10. Chapter 10

**I know, it's been forever. Sorry! Hope you enjoy :)**

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><p>"He wants to be in her life," she sighed and leaned back against the headboard of the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping infant in the corner. "He's mad and probably wants to toss me in Elliot B ay for not telling him but he wants to be in her life."<p>

"Meredith," Addison's laughter floated through the phone as the blond scrunched her nose up. "I told you that he would want to be, I told you about New York, and Mark would never throw you in Elliot Bay."

"He was just so comfortable with her, Addie." She rubbed the crease between her eyebrows and sunk farther down into her bed. "He held her and played with her and let her chew on his shirt collar and he didn't care. He looked so sad when I told him about the stuff he missed and I just felt even more horrible. I'm a horrible person, I'm the reason he's missed the first seven months of his daughter's life."

"Mark's always been good with babies. I think it's the charm that lures them into a false sense of security." She hummed as if she was lost in thought before coming back to her senses and sighed into the phone. "But he'll be a good father, Meredith. He might be mad for a little while but he'll get over it. He's understanding and he knows all about family issues."

Meredith groaned and pulled the comforter up over her head, stilling momentarily when she heard her daughter breathe heavily before focusing on the other problem at hand. "The feeling came back," she admitted quietly.

"One problem at a time, Grey," Addison admonished with a slight chuckle. "Let's get through this one before we touch on the issue of the warm and mushy feelings you get for Mark."

"It's just, I was halfway to panic attack town and all he had to do was put his hand on top of mine and I was fine; it took Violet almost an hour to talk me down from that last bad one at your house." She blew the hair out of her face as she pulled her lip between her teeth. "And this has got to be really awkward to talk about your ex-lover with your ex-husband's dirty ex-mistress."

"Seriously? Not even a week back in Seattle and we're back on that trip?" She paused, a clinking in the background that lets Meredith know she was having her nightly glass of wine before she clucked her tongue. "The past is the past, Meredith. We all make mistakes. I'm over Derek and I'm over Mark. I love Lilly and I love you, you're both family to me. And as awkward as it might be, or should be, I don't mind talking about it with you."

"But you're not over Pete and refuse to go there," Meredith perked up, deciding to side step her problems for a moment and address a much more (in her opinion) pressing issue.

"And on that note, how did Derek take the news?"

"He didn't because I ran like a little chicken when my daughter gave me the perfect escape," she grumbled into the phone, lips thinned out at the topic change. "Alex offered to kick his ass if it would make me feel better. Do you think it would?"

"Doubtful," the redhead deadpanned with what Meredith was sure a rolling of the eyes. "He's going to find out sooner or later, Meredith; it might take a bit of the sting out if it was you who told him."

"I know, I know." She sighed and rubbed her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that she was exhausted. She had no pressing issues to handle at the hospital tomorrow and would gladly sleep in - if Lilly would permit it (which was doubtful) but the thought of hanging up now and going to sleep left her with something the resembled fear in her stomach. "Are you sure you can't make a trip to Seattle? I'm sure there's _some_ case that the great Addison Montgomery can help on."

"I'm not taking a flight to Seattle just to coddle you, Grey, that's what got us in this mess." Addison paused and Meredith knew she was finishing off the glass of wine and that soon she'd be turning the lights off to sleep. "Or, more accurately, what got you into this mess. I can, happily, take my lashings from Mark over the phone and be on my merry way. He's not as scary sounding if you pull up a picture of a ducks attacking a cat on your phone, he's quite tame."

"I see you've been spending some quality time with Maya again," she rolled her tongue in her mouth, loving the way it felt as she slide her head out of the comforter before she sighed. "Did she pass that test in math we studied for last week?"

"Sure did," the redhead said proudly as she began to get more comfortable in bed as well. "I'm taking her out for ice cream tomorrow after work and probably a trip to the mall for something."

"Tell her to get something for me and I'll pay you back when you come down for Lil's party," Meredith yawned as her eyes fluttered close briefly before jumping back open when she heard the door downstairs open and close. "Iz and George are back from Joe's, so that means it is way past my bedtime."

"You're right, it is." Addison chuckled, making the dirty blond's lips curl up slightly. "Go to sleep, you know that beautiful baby of yours hates when you sleep in."

"Yeah, cause her Aunt Addie spoiled her rotten." She smirked, rolling her eyes as she chanced a glance at the door that suddenly had light spilling underneath. "But I will go to sleep because I'm exhausted and I have a feeling that tomorrow will only get more interesting."

"Just watch - Mark will be there to spend time with Lilly when Derek shows up demanding answers. It will be real interesting then."

"Especially with Alex trying to sleep upstairs," Meredith sighed and rubbed her eyes to push the headache back. "When I come back to LA, it will be because I murdered your ex-husband and need a place to hide."

"You'd never make it in jail," Addison reminded her dutifully. "Goodnight, Meredith."

"I don't think I'd mind being someone's bitch if it meant Derek couldn't question me anymore," she hummed on that thought before smiling. "Night, Addie. Say hi to everyone for me tomorrow."

"Will do," she promised before the phone clicked to end the conversation. It was the sound Meredith had been dreading but knew was coming. She rolled over on her side, plugging her phone into the charger before burying her face in the thick pillow that already smelled of her shampoo.

Forcing herself to relax and ignoring the quiet curses from George's mouth as he stumbled in the now dark hall, she finally started to drift off to sleep with images of Mark in a tiara and their daughter painting his face with makeup.


End file.
